Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Setiap Kali

Air matanya berderai lagi
mengalir tanpa ada rasa segan
membasahi pipi,
si ibu yang kepiluan

Langkah kakinya lemah lagi
bersama esak tangis yang kedengaran
tidak menoleh ke belakang lagi
hanya meninggalkan kesan dihati
yang tak akan terlupakan

Si kecil hanya memandang
tidak mengerti siapa yang datang
siapa yang pergi
Si kecil hanya tahu
dia dibelai, dia disayangi
kerana itu KEPILUAN datang lagi
mengasak asak minda

Si ibu tidak tahu
Si ibu tidak pasti
kenalkah si kecil
siapa yang datang?
siapa yang pergi?

Dan si kecil tahukah?
si ibu sebak

There i go again.. its been a long time i have not written any poem since i left university.

This morning, the phrase 'Setiap Kali' suddenly popped out from my mind and i just took 1 minutes to write it. The poem is written with tears of sadness falling from my eyes. Silently.

Sometimes and every time its better to voice out feeling this way. It is brief and understandable. No need to worry about sentence structure errors. Its all about the beauty of literature world. You can write freely without worrying where you should put your verb, noun, predicate and so forth.

The poem is in fact reflecting my feeling towards my son recently. I noticed that when i was home last week he seems to be more interested to get closer to his grandma than me. I don't know. I don't sure either. Everytime he cries, he will run to his grandma. I envy that. I am his mother,why he doesn't want me to comfort him? He also does't want to 'hug hug' me like last time i was home.

I talked to my hubby about it and again, the same answer i get. 'Its just your feeling. No matter what, you are his mom. He is our son. It is just that all this while mom taking care of him. Nothing to worry.'

I know that. Clearly. He is right but still deep in my heart ' i can't accept it for now'.
Why last time when i was home, he was fine? Why this time different?

Oh, son! Just if you know what mummy feels!

Next time i back home, i'll make sure i'm not staying at my MIL house. I want my son aware of my presence only and wants only ME. Its sounds weird and cruel but have to do it. I don't want my son to see people that he used to see everyday when i'm around. I want him to see only ME. i have gone crazy i think..


Michelle said...

Zoy,sabar ya...I thk is quite normal for a kid to do like tat coz he/she wil manja with t one whose alwiz beside them when thy hapy or cry..so, they wil automatically turn to tat particular person they used to go normally...My niece oso like tat, she alwiz stick to my eldest sis instead of her mum(3rd sister)coz my eldest sis alwiz take care of her & manja her..My 3rd sis oso feel upset too but now she oredy get used of it...Juz think positively ya...

Kris and Nadia said...

Oh my zoi.. sya pun terasa kesedihan ko ooo.. itu pun sya pernah terfikir juga tu, kalu sya ada anak nanti sya pun takut jadi mcm tu.. ba zoi, fikir la cara utk pindah kk spy ble sama anak ko.. maybe for now, ur son blum confident he will feel at ease ba kalu sm ko.. u must do sumthing.k zoi.. and God bless u :) i like ur poem :)

Uncle Lee said...

Hi Zoi, not to worry over it. Babies tend to get a little attached to someone who is with them often. He is just curious.
Babies when still in a mother's tummy already heard and learned his mother's voice. A voice he or she will love forever....a mother's voice.

Whatever it is, to your baby, his mom is a never ending song in his heart of comfort, happiness, and being.
He may sometimes forget the words, but he will always remember the tune.

You have a nice day, and keep a song in your heart. Best regards, Lee.

Zoi said...

Tan: i aware of this kind of baby's attitude tan. but i just can't accept it happened to me. Yeah, will think positively whenever i'm down.

Nadia:Thanks Nadia. Kalau buli mo pigi merayu-rayu depan Pengarah ni minta sokongan.

Uncle Lee:Thanks for taking time to share. I like it when u say 'whatever it is, to your baby, his mom is a never ending song in his heart of comfort, happiness and being.
I do hope that my son will remember me, deep in his heart.